Forms of Mutism: Question-triggered

I listed several forms of partial mutism in this post. One was topic-specific mutism, and one was mutism triggering on questions with unclear answers. Recently I got to re-experience another pattern that's kind of a combo of the two: Full mutism triggering once someone asks a question.

In this case, I was asked a question that:

• Concerned something highly anxiety-provoking, unexpected to the asker
• Pitched me right into a swirl of doubts and conflicting feelings
• Had a very complex answer consisting of both unusually good things and unusually bad things, covering several intense days of varied emotions and experiences and their fallout

I immediately went mute. Not topic-specific mute, as in I could say things but dodge the question, but completely unable to speak. I went over to my preferred typing device (a laptop) and told stories that fell in the good and neutral emotional registers relevant to the question for a while and recovered mouthspeak after a few minutes, probably.

Once I had my mouthspeak back I was able to do this thing where I focus and exert effort to get myself to speak on the difficult topic and succeed--kind of like taking a big breath before taking the plunge. I told my partner the things that had me worried and said, "Now you know why I went mute when you asked me how my trip went," with a little laugh.

It interests me that I'm often able to mouthspeak calmly and well about something that made me mute after the fact--and this itself is an effective communication strategy as long as I'm managing the situation so I don't get pulled into something I don't want while I can't speak. Since I'm developing my relationship with my new significant other, being able to explain my communication status, what triggered it, and how it affected my behavior in the moment are all good things that help us work together going forward. 

I'm confident that I can always, if necessary, extricate myself from the situation enough to get to a typing device and explain what's going on, but I don't automatically have to do so the moment I lose mouthspeak. I do still want my partner to know that I can't speak when I can't, so I should probably work out a hand symbol in that regard, but there's some sort of empowerment in knowing I can stand there having not said something important but confident that I will explain it in good time.